


Mistakes

by Literarydissection



Category: celebrity - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chris Evans x reader, F/M, I'm tired, Relationship Issues, Somebody Take my Keyboard Away, Talk it out, chris evans - Freeform, chris evans x, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-04-11 14:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19111663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literarydissection/pseuds/Literarydissection
Summary: A fangirl turned girlfriend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: I'm sorry if this wasn't what you were looking for! I'm running on zero sleep and I should probably get to bed after this... 
> 
> Warnings: Non-explicit bedroom activities.
> 
> Requested by: @mississippifangirl over on Tumblr

It had been hours—days even—since he had last messaged, and since then you had picked up what remained of your pride and carried on. As best as you could, anyways.

Time and fanfiction hadn’t prepared you for the moment that it had happened. Chris Evans had made his way into your life. He was there and real, and talked about some of his most intimate moments with you. There were no secrets between the two of you, except one.

Maybe you had misled him a little—saying you barely knew anything about him—it was an honest, white-lie at worst. A slip of the tongue.

Except you hadn’t corrected yourself. You’d never told him that you knew what his favorite color was long before he’d told you, or that you knew his zodiac sign even though you didn’t put much stock into the reliability of the stars. You’d never expressed your eagerness to meet Dodger or the high expectations you had of that moment.

You lead the lie so perfectly that he had never even imagined that there was a lie in the first place. Until he did.

It had started out innocently enough, banter between good friends. Teasing each other. Before long you were doing a little more than teasing. Touching. Kissing.

His shirt was on the floor and his hands were holding your face, and you felt hot. For once in your life you felt wanted and loved and torn apart. The world was pulling you in so many directions that you couldn’t help but giggle, and that made him laugh.

Even as the pressure built and the moment gathered in the pit of your stomach, and your nails dug deep into his shoulder blades. Even as your toes curled and your body jerked violently against his, a deep guttural groan echoing in your mind like nothing else in the world would matter.

You’d been waiting your whole life for this moment, and here it was—and you said as much.

But that was the problem, and the moment was over.

You had said too much, and by now—after a few pints of ice cream and one too many reruns of The Avengers—you hardly even remembered what you had said.

You were just so tired. It was a fanfiction worthy ending with a bad porn subplot, and you had still managed to royally mess things up.

He’d never talk to you again. Chris had said as much; you did remember that.

You remembered the way his face had twisted as he spoke, the way his voice reached a crescendo as your heart had nearly stopped when he said, “Leave, and lose my number while you’re at it.”

You were crying again now, and it was raining, but Chris hadn’t come.

It was a few weeks before you gave up crying. You had plastered yourself together and faked a smile and started back up with life.

You would never forget, but sometimes you wanted too.

And then your phone buzzed.

It was the middle of your work day, and it wasn’t uncommon to get a text or call from your boss, so you peaked at the screen.

It was 3:45 in the afternoon, and “Dodger’s Dad” illuminated the front of your screen with a huge picture of Dodger and Chris plastered in the middle, mocking you.

You didn’t answer the first call, but you managed to answer the second.

“Hello?” You cringed, hoping he didn’t hear the waver in your voice.

“Hey.”

It was silent for a long while.

“I’m at work.” You managed with a decent amount of composure.

“Can you take a break?”

You heart seemed to have awoken from its slumber. Starting to increase it’s rhythm like the moment right before a bass drop.

“I suppose. Hold on.”

You just walked out of work. Not far, that way someone could find you if they needed too, but far enough to have a conversation without the fear of being overheard. With a concrete wall to hold you together if you couldn’t manage the task on your own.

“Okay, I can talk now.”

“That’s good.”

Waiting with baited breath, you presumed he’d continue. When he didn’t, you got a little bit frazzled and quite a bit annoyed.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Us, I guess.”

“You guess?” Anger was dominating the shoe-string chain reaction of emotions that was bombarding your head, heart, and stomach.

“I didn’t want to leave it like that.”

A hallow laugh tickled the back of your throat, but you managed to swallow it before it could manage a great escape.

“I feel like garbage without you.” He continued. “I hate this. Without us. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.”

You heart stuttered and the emotions that had been dominating the field, stepped away for the half-time show, even though they were still supposed to be playing.

“I’m sorry. I should have given you the chance to talk or something.”

“I’m sorry too.” Your face felt hot and you couldn’t breathe properly for a few seconds, inching down the concrete wall you were using for cover. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. It was a stupid, selfish thing to do.”

“You’re right.” You could hear the small smile in his voice and it pushed you to the edge of tears, and you threw your arms wide open and fell over the edge with a sharp intake of breath and an ugly shaky sob.

But he didn’t try to tell you to stop, he just listened and waited. It took a minute, or maybe two before you gained some semblance of composure. Closing your eyes as you focused in on his voice, the sound. The way it made you feel so big but so small at the same time.

“I don’t want this to be goodbye.” He said softly, “can I come get you?”

“Yeah,” scrubbing your face with the sleeve of your sweater, you caught a glimpse of your reflection and thought about how you would have never allowed him to see you like this before. “Come get me.”

“Hey, babe.”

“Yeah?”

“Be good.”

You laughed this time and it actually had the shadow of the right kind of emotion. “You too Chris.”

“I’ll be there in five.”

You smiled, stupidly. Looking down at the pavement like it was the most interesting thing in the world. A stay tear sliding down your nose and making a small micro-puddle on the ground.

He was at your favorite café, and he knew it was your favorite because that’s where you met.

“I’ll see you in five.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Chris met at the café after your breakup. A thousand things could happen, but getting dragged along isn't one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of updates, I am trying to be as consistent as possible, but car problems were a little stressing last week. Also, I have a couple requests from Tumblr in my ask box I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN!! This just so happened to be requested first....by....a lot of people. So here it is...As always please let me know if you have any requests.
> 
> Warnings: Sadness

The next few moments had felt surreal. You hadn’t needed to say anything to your boss. They looked at you and shook their head, brilliant blues peaking out through otherwise inky hair, and it distracted you for a moment.

Sky placed a hand on your shoulder and you looked into their eyes, “You go do you, I’ll cover your shift.”

“Are you sure?” You asked nervously, thinking about all the shifts they had covered already. Thinking about the mountains of favors you already owed Sky was more than enough to reach the peak of Everest, and it made you a little anxious.

“I’m sure. Go get things sorted.”

Your lips twitched as you nodded, forcing yourself to stand your ground for a moment to gather yourself. A well of emotions boiled at the pit of your stomach, but you already felt so drained, and tired, and empty.

How could you survive what happened next?

Your phone buzzed, a shock of vibration against your palm. You looked down at it and Sky—with a knowing smile—gestured to the door. “Get out of here.”

“I’ll put my phone on loud in case you need me.”

“I won’t, just go.” Sky crossed their arms in annoyance.

Not looking a gift horse in the mouth, you vacantly stumbled forward, your phone held tightly against your hand.

“Keep looking like that and he’ll think that we torture you!”

“Don’t you though?” The words felt dry on your tongue but it made Sky chuckle.

It was the small steps.

Making your way through the halls felt more like a dream than you’d like to admit, you smiled and nodded when people said hello but it hadn’t quite met your eyes. If everything didn’t go perfectly—if this meeting wasn’t to get back together—you knew that it was a real goodbye and you didn’t know if you could handle a second round of pain.

But you still made it out to his car, and opened the door. You still got in and buckled up and tried to sink into the seat and become one with the passenger side. If you could avoid looking at him, maybe you could pretend that nothing had happened and that you hadn’t been feeling well, and that was why Chris was coming to get you from work.

He seemed to be sitting on the same wave length, putting the car in drive and headed down the five-minute stretch of road to the café.

When he parked, you could feel his eyes on you and you very carefully pulled your eyes from the window to meet his gaze.

“Hi,” you said with a severe lack of air in your lungs.

“Hey.”

You sat for a while, looking at him as your eyes began to sting and you felt the bubble in your throat that was quickly turning into a sob. It was hard to not force yourself out of the door and back to work, to just pretend this wasn’t happening, but it was and now you were crying, and everything just hurt so bad even though there was nothing to show for it.

It was always a weird thing, watching breakups on TV or supporting your friends in the midst of recovery. Seeing them break down or get quite and just get lost when they saw their respective ex-lovers on the street, or in a restaurant, or with someone else. Quietly, you had always wondered if they were being a tab bit over-dramatic, but now you knew what it felt like and you never wanted to feel that way again.

And getting back together gave him that power over you again, just getting into the car with him in the first place was an admission that you had never really taken that power away.

You realized—after a moment—that he had nearly pulled you into his lap but had refrained, probably wanting to establish boundaries before he took it too far. In a way, you appreciated and respected the restraint, but at the same time you wanted him to just do it. To hell with being a gentleman right now.

Still, though, you felt his hand on your back. Smooth gentle circles, slow and methodical until you calmed down.

You took a deep breath and felt your cheeks heat with embarrassment. “Sorry,” you felt your voice crack under the strain.

“Don’t apologize.”

It felt like the sentence wasn’t over, but he left whatever else had been on the tip of his tongue, fade away.

“Are you going to be okay going inside?” He asked.

You nodded. Not trusting your voice.

Getting out of the car was difficult, but you managed. Going to the café you had been avoiding was even harder, but the bustle of conversation hid your tear stained cheeks and slumped posture. It let you drift into a faceless mob as you bustled past a few tables to a booth in the back corner by a fake flower tree.

It was quiet there and you had time to take a few deep breaths and stare out the window.

“Sorry, they didn’t have the breakfast sandwich you normally get so I got the turkey sausage one.” He sat down across from you, placing a smoothie in front of you with a hopeful smile.  
You looked at it and then at him and slowly drank some of it. Letting the silence between you be filled with the ambient noise.

“It’s okay, the turkey sandwich is good too.”

He shifted and looked down at the coffee in front of him, “Dodger misses you.”

“I miss him too.”

“I miss you.”

You hadn’t been thinking, and you didn’t miss a beat. “I miss you too.”

He sat there, tapping the sides of his coffee and you hoped that he felt as awkward as you did. This was all a waiting game; a few moments would pass and no one would say anything. You’d drink your smoothie and he would drink his coffee, and you’d make eye contact and then look away.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” He said. “I hate this, you know?”

“I know. It’s kind of weird.”

“So, what do we do now?”

You squeezed the smoothie cup a little for comfort, “I don’t really know Chris. Can you trust me?”

When your eyes met, your stomach twisted. His eyes were searching yours and you hoped that he’d find what he was looking for because… just because you didn’t know how to be you anymore.

It was funny that your identity almost seemed to teeter on this very moment. Funny in a sad kind of way. This moment shouldn’t be the end all and be all of your life, and deep down you knew it wasn’t. But it felt like it and that was all that mattered. Right now, you had to know if he’d ever trust you again after everything. Letting you back into his life wasn’t an easy thing to ask for, but you wanted to ask for it anyway.

You wanted to be selfish. You had to be selfish.

“I’m not sure yet.”

The words stabbed you as the room went still. The world seemed to slow and your vision blurred. Somehow you managed to blink it away, to keep your composure and not cry—despite your track record.

“So, what do we do now?” You sounded more confident than you felt.

“I don’t know. We talk, I guess. What else can we do?”

You nodded and drank some more of your smoothie. It was almost gone now. Your eyes met his for a moment, “I don’t want to get dragged around while you think about it. I know that’s selfish, but I can’t live in this limbo forever. I,” you took a deep breath, “I mean it’s kind of obvious that I’m having a hard time, and now this and I just don’t know if I can handle it.”

“We can set ground rules while we figure it out. I just need some time to get to know you without the lies and without the pretenses.”

“I,” you wanted to say that you hadn’t lied about anything else, but you couldn’t. Every time you withheld the truth or said you hadn’t known something about him or hadn’t allowed yourself to properly freak out over something you saw on TV, it was all lying, wasn’t it? “I understand.”

“We can stay both stay single for a while until we get things figured out. If something does come up, and we want to move on then well.” He paused.

“Then we have to just say it. That way no one gets hurt more than they need to.”

He nodded, pulling out his phone, while one thousand thoughts danced around your head. Imagining Chris with anyone else was a nightmare that you hadn’t thought of living through. You thought he was texting someone with how much he was fiddling with his phone, until your pocket started buzzing.

You had no time to react, “WHEN CAPTAIN AMERICA THROWS HIS MIGHT SHEILD!!!” cut away any adult thoughts you may have had.  
You fumbled and nearly fell out your chair in an effort to silence the device that had betrayed your very existence. Roaring laughter spilt from Chris’s lips as he leaned back, hand over his chest as he nearly sank into a puddle on his seat. 

You were a complete mess as you practically threw your head onto the table, trying to avoid dying from embarrassment as his laughter died down.

You finally looked up, pouting as you began to recover from his terrible sense of humor. “That’s not funny.”

“I had to make sure you didn’t change it.” His eyes sparkled and you smiled.

Even with your cheek pressed against the cool metal table, in the worst possible angle ever, he beamed at you. Leaning back against and taking a deep drink of his coffee.

“How’s work been?”

You groaned, “You might want to order some tea.”

“I’m a Chris not a Tom, or did you forget?”

You rolled your eyes, “I meant for me.”

“Oh.” He still got up even though it was complicated, and you prepared to tell the complete truth. And if you were honest with yourself, you weren’t as nervous as you thought you’d be.

It was actually rather liberating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: @literarydissection

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: @LIterarydissection


End file.
